Saturday Morning Kids Programs We Actually Watched

When you try to tell your kids that back in the old days certain things were better you can usually make a decent argument. For example, you could play outside without fear of smog, nobody you knew was alergic to peanuts and you could walk out of a store with a handful of gum and candy that would last you the whole week for a quarter.

Some things aren’t as easy to defend such as Saturday morning kids shows. Sure we had classics like Looney Tunes (before they got all censored and polically correct), the Flintstones and Scooby (before Scrappy) and of course Josie and Pussy Cats but let’s look at some live action shows that you likely watched as a kid in the 70s either because nothing else was on or you actually liked it though secretly you wished the Jetsons were on again.

Ark II

Nobody really remembers this until you show them the picture of the jacked up RV and they suddenly vaguely recall seeing it. The other reason they likely don’t remember is the fact it only aired one season’s worth of shows but ended up in reruns for many years after.

From the opening sequence we learn, “For millions of years, Earth was fertile and rich. Then pollution and waste began to take their toll. Civilization fell into ruin. This is the world of the 25th century. Only a handful of scientists remain. Men who have vowed to rebuild what has been destroyed…this is their achievement… Ark II, a mobile storehouse of scientific knowledge, manned by a highly trained crew of young people. Their mission: to bring the hope of a new future to mankind.”

That’s it? That’s the master plan? Even as a kid I knew we’d be screwed if the future of mankind depended on an Asian woman, a young boy, his monkey and a hipster with a jet pack. The show did have some decent morals and was kind of an eerie foreshadowing to what is actually happening with our environment.

Shazam! Isis Power Hour

Okay I’ll admit she was rather easy on the eyes but are you telling me there weren’t any beefed up actors that could have filled the Shazam! costume out a little more super heroish than Jackson Bostwick? But I digress.

Shazam! lasted three seasons after its debut in 1974. The premise was Billy Batson (Michael Gray) and his guardian known only as Mentor traveled around and always wound up mixed up in some kind of problem (Nice going mentor – way to teach the kid how to stay out of trouble). Whenever the need for a super hero came up, Billy Batson would utter the word “Shazam!” and get transformed into Captain Marvel.

Not to be confused with this guy – he’s Kazaam!

The storyline for Isis involved Andrea Thomas (Joanna Cameron), who was a high school science teacher. While on an archeological dig in Egypt, she found an amulet that belonged to an ancient queen named Hatshepsut (rumor has it is was a play on the phrase “That Cheap Slut”) which would grant the wearer the powers of the Goddess Isis.

She only lasted two seasons even though it was a much stronger show than Shazam!. Both characters would appear in each other’s shows which kind of begged the question of why not just let them join forces for the whole hour and get a real good story going. In the end both shows would try to hammer some moral into you at the end of each episode which is more than what you can say for Yugioh! They eventually made them into cartoons which were probably much less expensive to produce.

Bigfoot and Wildboy

I’m not really sure where they blew they’re budget on this show but it certainly wasn’t on Bigfoot’s costume. The premise was that Bigfoot found the orphaned boy and raised him in the wild, hence the name Wildboy (man, the writers were firing on all cylinders that day). Naturally they went on to battle all evil doers in the forest and avoid capture. Let’s see the Loch Ness Monster do that !

The show started as a fifteen minute piece on the Kroft Super Show in the late 70s before getting it’s own thirty minutes in 1979. It lasted only one season after that. Can’t imagine why – there’s all kinds of evil happening in the forest on a regular basis. Isn’t there? The episodes were released on DVD but have been extremely rare and have actually become a collector’s item.

Retro Video of the Day – Pump Up the Volume

In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Apollo landings, I thought the video should reflect the space theme and frankly Pete Schilling’s Major Tom thing is way too obvious so I decided on one of my personal favorites from 1987 – “Pump Up The Volume” by M/A/R/R/S. The video featured some vintage footage from the early U.S. and Russian space program. The footage confirms these astronauts had balls of steel or were heavily sedated and brainwashed to volunteer for this gig. How do you convince a guy to sit on top of a long gas tank and let them light the fuse. Now it seems fairly routine but back then I’m sure there was a lot of finger crossing and rabbit feet rubbing going on in the control rooms.

This song was a collaborative effort and became a one hit wonder since the people involved couldn’t play nice together. Literally. Even though they were nominated for a Grammy in 1989, they never released anything after that. I never get tired of this one. Turn the volume way up on this one!

Quest for the Perfect Mullet

If you were around in the 80s you would have seen the birth of a new hair trend. I didn’t call it a style and when you see the pictures you’ll know why. The Mullet was the perfect solution for anyone who wanted long hair but couldn’t be bothered dealing with the hassle. Best of both worlds – short around the sides and front to keep hair out of your eyes and out of your way while doing stuff and long silky locks in the back to show the world you were actually a badass.


Click the pic of the patron saint of mullets to see a definitive guide to mullets and a gallery of every kind of mullet recorded to date. Truly an archive for the ages. When it comes to mullets, I’m all for keeping it Retro but I do have my limits!

Yo Quiero No More


Sadly, we lost one of the most popular advertising dogs in recent years today. Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua died of a massive stroke (no relation to eating Taco Bell I’m sure) and has moved on to the big taco stand in the sky.

She (yes it was a she) became part of our pop culture in 1997 with the now classic “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” ad campaign which had all of us mumbling the phrase whether we really wanted Taco Bell or not. Other catch phrases this pint size pitchman drilled into our collective heads included “Drop the Chalupa!”, “Viva Gorditas!” and the classic, “I’m thinking you, me…… burrito!”. Honestly could you ever imagine a time in your life where you thought you’d ever have the need to utter any of these phrases? Yet, we did. Even SportsCenter was hooked on the Chalupa phrase for a while. And oh, how we laughed.

One company that didn’t laugh to loudly though was Taco Bell themselves. It seems they ripped off the idea from a couple of guys who pitched the idea six years earlier and then went with another ad firm to produce the campaign. The guys sued and $32.1 million dollars later, all was forgiven. Taco Bell went on to show real class when they went after the ad firm that produced the campaign trying to blame them for the oversite – a three judge panel dropped the Chalupa against Taco Bell. Any idea how many burrito supremes and super value menu items you need to sell to recoup those grande sized judgements? Mucho.

So we bid farewell to Gidget and hope she finds peace wherever she is. Thanks to the internet, her legacy will live on. Pass the Pepto.

When Retro and Politics Collide

Arguably one of the most influential Hip-Hop artists to inspire the newer generation of rappers are Run D.M.C. They were credited with bringing rap to the mainstream with their collaboration with Aerosmith and have been honored with numerous accolades including showing up 48th on Rolling Stone’s list of the greatest musical artists of all time back in 2004.



It seems their influence is still felt to this very day not only in music but politics as well. I seem to recall Obama using the term “It’s tricky” a few times in his address yesterday on Healthcare reform. Coincidence !?!? I think not.

Cars That Would Have Saved Pontiac If They Still Built Them

With the recent collapse of the North American auto industry, there have been more than one casualty and the jury is still out on if there are any more to come. One of the biggest brands to bite the dust was one of the former pearls on GM’s crown – Pontiac.

Although it can be argued that the Pontiac laid many a turd in recent years like the much hated Aztek which although was much more feature rich than many other SUVs in it’s price range, was just plain ugly. Other cars in recent years that brought on universal yawns from Pontiac included the Bonneville, the G3 (they build excitement?!?!) and the Montana. All had promise but all had severe short comings that made the Pontiac one of the brands to hit the chopping block.

Even great new cars like the G8 GXP, the 2010 G8 ST which would have heralded the return of the El Camino type car/truck hybrid, and the Solstice GXP Coupe all had the earmarks of what once made Pontiac great but it was too little too late.

While many car companies were taking their cues from their vintage models, Pontiac never really took advantage of their rich heritage to really “Build Excitement”. Let’s take a look at some of the models that could have likely jump started Pontiac’s sales if they followed the lead of companies like Ford, Dodge, Volkswagen, and Chrysler to come up with new cars with that retro look.

1969 Pontiac GTO Judge


With the success of the first generation, the second generation GTO picked up right were it left off with a much more robust and modern fastback styling and massive 400ci V8’s rated all the way up to 370 HP. The Judge package offered wild color options with matching decals, a Ram Air hood, spoilers and a T-handle Hurst shifter. There was nothing you could tell this judge.

1978 Pontiac Trans AM

Ahhh the flaming chicken. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, you wanted a ’78 Pontiac Trans AM. Not just any Trans AM, you wanted the black and gold “Bandit” color scheme Trans AM with a T-roof. This model year had a few tweaks that brought the top-line V8 to 220 HP. Not bad for those days. You wanted one. You also wanted to grow a mustache like Burt Reynolds and find a woman like Sally Field.

1988 Pontiac Fiero GT

Admit it, you made fun of the Fiero when it was around. The obvious play on the name which labelled it the poor man’s Ferrari was the butt of many a joke. For the most part though, it was a joke initially. It was strapped to a sluggish 2.5-liter “Iron Duke” four-cylinder engine and the suspension was based on a Citation for Pete’s sake. The Fiero was easy pickings for the haters. By 1988 however, GM snapped out of it and gave the car a proper suspension, head turning styling and considerable improvements to both the four-cylinder and V6 engines. Once it became respectable and sought after, it was scrapped.

1967 Pontiac Firebird


The battle of the pony cars was in full effect between Ford and Chevy and the engineers at Pontiac were paying attention. The 1967 Firebird debuted with more even weight distribution for better handling, and traction bars to offset the infamous single-leaf rear springs. This move prevented spring twist under hard acceleration. Five models were offered in both convertible and hard tops with engine sizes ranging from 230ci to a whopping 400ci V-8 that produced 325 hp.

1964 Pontiac GTO


The 1964 Pontiac GTO was the car that sparked the original muscle car wars. Though it can be argued that this was just a supped up LeMans, but the 325 HP, 389 cubic inch V8 with Carter four-barrel carbs, a dual exhaust and a three-speed Hurst manual transmission made you king of the hill (or street) pretty easily. It sold three times the projected annual sales showing yet again that marketers really didn’t know how to read a demographic and plan accordingly and also that this car was destined to be a classic.

So there you have it. This list is by no means complete. Great cars like the Grand Prix, Bonneville and even the Grand AM helped to keep the brand going all these years but it would have been great to see an effort or Pontiac’s part to bring some of the retro lines back in to their late model cars a bit sooner. Who knows, it may have made a difference. Bottom line is classic Pontiac car owners are enjoying a bittersweet moment. The brand is gone but that just makes the machine in their garage a bit more valuable.

Before They Were Famous Part 1

Before they were stars, many actors and musicians were just average Joe’s trying to make a buck while waiting to make it big. I’m sure they hoped that many of their early efforts would fade away on crappy VCR tapes never to be seen again and eventually forgotten.

Of course, that was before the internet. Thanks to modern technology, these examples of fine acting and suave career decisions will haunt them forever. Here’s two good examples for you:

John Travolta for SafeGuard Soap

Jason Alexander from Seinfeld for the McDLT

Retro Video of the Day – Spin Me Round

Pete Burns and Dead or Alive are considered by many to be one hit wonders but that actually isn’t true. The problem is their one big monster hit everyone remembers them for was so massive that it kind of set the bar pretty high in terms of trying to come up with a decent followup that would compare to Spin Me Round (Like A Record).

Before Pete became the mess that he is today, and before the countless remixes and remakes, he and the boys came up with some pretty catchy and memorable ditties but the one below is and will always be their greatest contribution to Retro dance parties everywhere.

Vintage Movie Inspired Sneakers

Here’s a collection of brand name sneakers that were inspired by major motion pictures. You can deny it if you want, but you know you wanted them. Some were very cool – others, not so much. You can certainly file some of these under what were they thinking. It would be interesting to see if anyone lost their jobs over some of these designs.

Click the hideous Air Jordan below to see the article: